Side B: The Music

High and Low

The soundtrack to what I couldn’t say out loud.

by D.

Some songs don’t remind me of you. They remind me of the version of myself that waited.

1. “Born to Die” – Lana Del Rey

A prayer to the inevitable.

To love something knowing it’s already halfway gone.

This is the anthem of Gatsby’s dream,

and the whisper Ezel never got to say: “We were doomed from the beginning, weren’t we?”

2. “Let the Light In” – Lana Del Rey (feat. Father John Misty)

For the second chances that weren’t taken.

For the times you almost let yourself be happy again.

This one plays in the background when Eysan hesitates.

When Daisy remembers.

When you wonder what could’ve happened if only they had stayed.

3. “High by the Beach” – Lana Del Rey

The moment when softness turns into survival.

When you stop explaining, and just exist—high, detached, unreachable.

It’s not that you don’t feel anymore.

It’s that you’ve grown tired of being misunderstood.

4. “Art Deco” – Lana Del Rey

A slow walk through an old self.

Detached, glittered, sad in silence.

This track plays like the lobby of Gatsby’s house after the guests leave.

Or the moment Ezel lights a cigarette and says nothing at all.

5. “Salvatore” – Lana Del Rey

The most dramatic performance of feeling nothing while feeling everything.

Playful sorrow wrapped in absurdity.

This is the mask.

The song you dance to so they don’t ask if you’re okay.

6. “Doin’ Time” – Lana Del Rey

You were loyal to someone who made you wait too long.

And now the rhythm is all that’s left.

A summer song for when love feels like a sentence.

This could’ve been Jay’s playlist in West Egg—if he ever let the pain turn to music.

7. “Video Games” – Lana Del Rey

The moment you realized love was never equal.

You romanticized someone who only loved when you weren’t asking for anything.

This is a love letter to the imbalance.

The devotion that left you with empty hands and eyes full of belief.

8. “Summertime Sadness” – Lana Del Rey

That beautiful melancholy.

When the sun’s out but you feel like mourning anyway.

It’s the energy of someone who once smiled in gold,

but now dresses her grief in linen and rouge.

9. “The Last Day” – Moby (with Skylar Grey)

This one hurts.

It plays like a funeral for everything you had to walk away from without closure.

It belongs to both Jay and Ezel.

To the final silence after all the words were used up.

To the look you give someone you loved, one last time.

10. “Music to Watch Boys To” – Lana Del Rey

Aesthetically detached.

This track sounds like emotional absence wrapped in a vintage filter.

The mood of someone who’s done performing need,

and now only watches love from behind glass.

11. “Only Love Can Hurt Like This” – Paloma Faith

This is the scream behind every soft smile.

The kind of love that ruins your appetite but never your loyalty.

This would’ve played while Ezel remembered her name.

Or when Gatsby realized she wouldn’t come.

12. “Eyşan (Unutamıyorum)” – Toygar Işıklı

The sound of holding a name in your throat long after it’s safe to say it.

Not a song. A pulse.

A moment.

A sigh that never ended.

13. “Yazgı” – Toygar Işıklı

“Destiny.” But the kind that doesn’t save you.

The kind that lets it all happen anyway.

This is the instrumental that plays when you accept it:

They were part of your fate.

Not your forever.

14. “Bu Nasıl Bir Büyü” – Toygar Işıklı

“What kind of spell is this?”

This one sounds like being haunted while wide awake.

This is the echo of a love that rewired you.

The melody of being unable to forget even when you’re no longer waiting.

15. “Ghosts and Creatures” – Telekinesis

The final track, and the most honest.

This is the sound of walking through your old self’s house—room by room.

It doesn’t shout. It lingers.

It’s the perfect goodbye to the person you were before the ache started.